If there is ever a day to re-launch a new blog because the old blog’s database somehow got deleted, I’d say Good Friday is the day to do it. Why, you ask? Why on earth would the day we solemnly remember Jesus’s horrific death on a cross be the day to start posting again? Because it’s everything to me.
Without that day I’m still reveling in my human depravity, groping around for identity in something. Without that day all my tentative plans for the future, that are really just my attempts to put into works the worship I feel in my heart, are nothing. Without that day they can’t even exist because my regenerate heart can’t exist. It’s as A.W. Tozer writes in The Purpose of Man:
“‘I have glorified Thee on earth,’ said Jesus, ‘I have finished the work Thou gavest me to do,’ and there God glorified Himself in His son, and that Son went out to die, and all that glory was marred more than any man, and His features more than the son of man. They pulled out His beard, bruised His face, tore out His hair and made lumps on His forehead. Then they nailed Him on that cross where for six hours He sweated, twisted and groaned and finally gave up the ghost. The bells rang in heaven because man had been redeemed now. . .worship is man’s full reason for existence. Worship is why we are born and why we are born again.”
Do you see it now? If so, you catch on quicker than me.
For the past few weeks, months even, I’ve been in something of slump. I was always hesitant to call it “depression,” since that carries different connotations in culture today, but at the core it probably looked very similar. I used words like unemotional, limbo, un-experiental, it just is, etc. to describe what I found so hard to put into words. I just couldn’t seem to get the truth of the Gospel from my head back into my heart.
I don’t know what shifted. I didn’t have some glorious road-to-Damascus encounter. But driving down the highway yesterday, I turned to my friend in the passenger seat and just smiled. I came home and literally poured myself into readings of the Bible, Let Me Be a Woman, gods of War, and Purpose of Man. I wrote in my journal and turned on worship music. These are things I couldn’t force myself to do a few days ago. I can’t adequately describe it. My spirit just feels more alive. It’s like nothing could stop my heart from worshiping and loving Jesus.
I’m not living in emotionalism; I think I’ve just truly realized the point of Good Friday and Easter. All the Lord wants is my worship. My love. I’m free to be nothing spectacular because He is, and was, and will forever be. Everything else I’m overwhelmed by, worried about, trying to achieve, etc. – it’s all vanity (Ecc. 1:2). I’ve been complicating the most simple, beautiful, and profound reality of my soul. I’m literally speechless.
This is me. This is my blog. And it is nothing but an extension of worship to The Great I Am.
A.W. Tozer also said that, “what I believe about God is the most important thing about me.” Let the same be said of me. And now you know.
Welcome to the new Sweet Tea and Me (although, it wasn’t an intentional overhaul).
Have an incredibly blessed Good Friday. May your worship today be sweet and deep.