This pre-college journey has been crazy; it is so surreal to think that in a little more than 48-hours I will be boarding a plane to Chicago.
Everyone keeps asking how I am and how I plan on staying in touch. People are making a concerted effort to let me know all that I mean to them. For people that I barely spoke to, it is humbling. We really have no idea who is watching us and how we affect them, or at least I really don’t. For those closest to me, it is flooding me with gratitude. People have been carving out intentional time with me (which is my “love language” anyway, if you’re into that sort of thing). I’m convinced there is nothing like leaving to make you feel so loved. So if you want to know really how I am, here it is:
I am utterly overwhelmed by humility and gratitude.
And that is just it. I am, of course, running the gamut of emotions regarding leaving home for a place I’ve never been. I am simultaneously excited to see God’s hand at building a community with new people, in new experiences and terrified because I literally don’t know a single person there. I am sad to leave the family that has always included my best friends, but I also am ready to watch how God is going to move because I won’t be around. I am stoked about my classes, but a twinge concerned about my study habits. I’m excited to listen to both others and God, but I’m also wondering who I will be able to confide in and how college will change my relationship with the Lord.
It’s the idea of transition: my life is no longer in Georgia, it’s at Wheaton. But the only life I’ve ever known, all the people I love and who love me are in Georgia…and this life I have at Wheaton, I have no idea what it looks like or who is a part of it yet. At least, not for another 48 hours.
But even more than all of those crazy emotions, my heart is completely overwhelmed, but by only the best things: humility, gratitude, and love.
I am so humbled that the Lord has provided amazing relationships for me here, despite my doubts that he would and my oftentimes ungratefulness (due to unmet expectations) in the middle of it. I am humbled that people watch me, learn from me, and look up to me. I am so inadequate and undeserving, and yet the grace of the Lord gives my life such purpose. I am moved by the love of my Christian brothers, sisters, parents, and grandparents for me – and how much deeper still is Christ’s love for me. I am grateful beyond words…for my family, for Vintage 242 Church (and all the people there), for Steve and Randel, for AK and Sydney, for Tate and Ashley, for Timothy and Harvest, for David and Elaine, for Lane and Cy, for Veritas, for Emily, Kae, Myles, Annie, Emilyann, Cheryl Ann, for all my teachers (Mr. Etter, Mr. Baker, Dr. Collender, Mrs. Pliego, Mrs. Tochijara)…
I don’t know what to do with myself because I feel like if I do anything, I am going explode love and gratitude and probably tears. I suppose this is truly what overwhelmed feels like. But what is so wonderful is that I’m overwhelmed for all the right reasons. I’m sitting in the love and grace of the Lord, with the understanding that I don’t deserve any of this, and I’m undone.
You might want to know more but I have no more words.
I’m about to spend the next 10 days working in downtown Chicago and reflecting on community, myself, the Lord, and college at Wheaton passage, which really for everyone else just means I won’t have a phone or computer. After, I plan (I hope, that is) on keeping this blog updated with my life at Wheaton, what I’m learning, what the Lord is doing, etc. I also hope to never loose this feeling and understanding of overwhelming humility, love, and gratitude.
There is only one other thing I can think to write: Soli Deo Gloria.